Safewords: What and Why?

Have you ever heard of the term :safeword?" It is a very important and critical word in BDSM. We there are many resource on what a safeword is and why you need one, but we are going to cover them since they are THAT serious they should be discussed on ANY BDSM platform.

What is a safeword?

As safeword is a word you would not normally say that indicated that a situation needs to stop. This word is usually something out of the ordinary for a sexual situation, but it's purpose is to keep both parties involved in a scene or situation safe.

As safe word can be as simple as a color system:

Red means STOP the activity completely

Yellow means to slow down. Things are a little intense

Green means you are okay to continue

A safeword should be easy to remember as sometimes things can get intense and you don't need to be grasping for the word when you need it because it was so complicated you are unable to remember it when you need it. The safeword should be understood by all parties as to what it means...and the stressing of KEEP IT SIMPLE... cannot be stressed enough. No one wants to have to have the signals crossed and wind up in a hopefully only awkward situation.

Why not just say stop?

Well in the BDSM lifestyle, there may be scenes that call for you to say stop, or don't or no, but they are a part of the play. How do you then tell when the stop, don't or no is intention and things are no longer in a playful meaning? A safeword is a good way to be able to have a way to distinguish between a playful stop and a hard stop.

It is suggested that you practice your safeword with your partner so that they get used to hearing it as well. If you decide on a safeword and have never put it into practice, it might not register the first time when in an actual situation. Remember when you used to do fire drills at school when you were a child? Think of this in the same manner. A safeword drill so you are ready if it ever needs to be used.

What if I don't want to use a safeword?

That is up to you, but anyone who is the BDSM world world advise against not having one, even if you are absolutely sure you will never need one. There is nothing wrong with being prepared for an event and never having that event happen. At least you know that IF you need it for WHATEVER reason, there is one established.

What if my Dom says they don't do safewords?

That's up to them. Just know that you are FULLY relying on them knowing you better than you know yourself. If you just met this person, how can they know you enough to know when you have had enough or need to take it slower? If you have known them for years, do you not have bad days and good days? Do they not have bad days and good days? You are banking on then ALWAYS being in FULL control and NEVER having an off day or making a mistake which is statically impossible.

Safewords are created to protect you from harm and protect your partner from the aftermath of them hurting you. Whether it is the name of you first grade teacher, a fruit you like (many people choose pineapple), a place you love to go to, a safewors is simply a tool to keep everyone safe in a situation or scene. Some subs even adopt a safeword for when outside situations are too much as a signal to their Dom that they are overwhelmed and need to get away from the location or surroundings or people.

If you aren't sure if you need a safeword, just go over all of the reasons why they are used and decide for yourself if it is better to have one and never need it, or to need it....and not have it...

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Jubilee Johns (She/Her/Hers)

Creator of Middles Online Clubhouse

Jubilee has been writing her own creative works for more than 30 years. She has been in the BDMS lifestyle since 2017 and has loved every moment of it with her Daddy Dom Naughty Daddie

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