There may be times you want to participate in an activity and there are times you do not. For the most part, people know what they are into and what they would rather not participate in. Is it okay to go ahead with something to please someone else?
If you are uncomfortable about participating in an activity, you have every right as a human being who happens to be a sub to say you would not like to participate. Your own limits are just as important as your partner's wants and requests. If something that is proposed is not where you are ready to be, please vocalize this. It could be a fear of something new, but it may also also be something more!
Never ignore your inner feelings on what you feel comfortable with participating in. When you go against your inner self and do not express that, your partner may not know that they are crossing a line or barrier. They may think it's okay, but really deep down, you don't want to be a part of it. This is not fair to you or them.
A conversation can either open the door or close the door. There should be no judgments
This brings us to consent. Consent is when you give permission. This is you allowing yourself to participate in an activity and allowing others to participate in that activity with you. Permission can be revoked at ANY TIME during an activity....and consent cannot realistically be given if you are in an altered state of mind. Meaning if you are extremely tired, distressed, intoxicated, under the influence of a substance as examples.
If you are in any of those conditions and are able to think somewhat clearly, for example extremely tired or distressed, you should let the other parties know this. You are informing them of your state of mind. If you are visibly in an altered state, the parties involved should recognize that and not agree to participate in activities with you, but that is not always the case unfortunately. If you are ever in a situation where someone has taken advantage of your altered state, you have EVERY RIGHT to speak up when you are able. You have EVERY RIGHT to state that you were not in the right state of mind. DO NOT allow ANYONE to try to shame you for being in an altered state. It doesn't matter if you were stumbling drunk or had a needle in your arm. It doesn't matter if you were saying "Yes, yes yes!" If you are in an altered state of mind, you may have feelings and thoughts you normally would never have or do things you would normally never agree to...do not let ANYONE try to make you feel bad about it. You can deal with what may have led you to that state with a counselor if it is a serious problem. The focus is that you did not give consent because you were not in a position to reasonably do so... remember THAT if they try to come to you with "well you were drinking so you put yourself in that position."
No...
People who take advantage of people should be punished for it...end of story...
Now back to doing things you might not want to do in an unaltered state.
If you don't want to, say No. If you don't want to at the moment, but maybe later, say that. Anyone who tries to coerce your consent or agreement is not looking out for your well-being. That includes "It'll feel good though." "Once you do it, you'll like it." "I do so many things you like and you won't do this for ME?" "If you don't, I'll just find someone who will." All of these are signals for you to not engage with this person.
If you are in a relationship with the other party, a conversation about why you feel the way you do about something is the best course of action. No one owes anyone an explanation of course, but communication is how we understand each other. If it's someone you barely know nor have a relationship with you can explain, but don't feel as though you are obligated to.
All in all, this is your life and your body. People have only the right to it as far as YOU give. If you prefer not to engage in an activity, you have the right to express that no matter your dynamic if it is something you feel may hurt you etc. You are a person first...no matter your role.
Jubilee Johns (She/Her/Hers)
Creator of Middles Online Clubhouse
Jubilee has been writing her own creative works for more than 30 years. She has been in the BDMS lifestyle since 2017 and has loved every moment of it with her Daddy Dom Naughty Daddie
WordPress: Naughty's kitten Thoughts
Twitter: @JubileeJohns
Facebook: Jub Johns
Instagram: @Jubilee_Johns
MeWe: Jubilation Lee
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