When people think about DDlg, they usually don’t imagine the dynamic happening between two non-binary people. Nonetheless, non-binary people also have the ability to be happy and fulfilled in a DDlg dynamic. There are more of us out there than you think!
DDlg stands for Daddy Dom and little girl. It refers to a specific BDSM dynamic in which the dominant party is the Daddy while the other (usually submissive) party is the little girl, also known as a babygirl. One might be quick to picture this kinky dynamic occurring between a cis man as the Daddy Dom and a cis woman as the little girl, but that’s not always the case. In truth, there are limitless variations of DDlg relationships out there. Furthermore, many manifestations of DDlg don’t conform to the norms set forth by the gender binary (male/female). It’s important for the DDlg community to acknowledge the diversity of gender identities and expressions of the people who engage in this dynamic. My DDlg dynamic is non-binary, and I think more people should know about this kind of stuff.
Before I get started, please know that the purpose of this article is to highlight the experiences of non-binary adults like myself who consensually engage in a DDlg dynamic. It is NOT to invalidate if and when non-binary people feel more comfortable identifying their dynamic as CGl (Caregiver/little), a more gender-neutral label for the dynamic. The labels that an individual, couple, or group applies to their dynamic are highly personal and nuanced. Nobody gets to decide another person’s boundaries, labels, or say something is DDlg when someone isn’t comfortable with giving their behavior or dynamic that label. With that being said, my Daddy and I are both non-binary, and both of us are comfortable with the label of DDlg.
I am the little girl in my dynamic. I am also bisexual, polyamorous, and a demigirl. “Demigirl” is a non-binary identity for a person who was AFAB (assigned female at birth), but doesn’t fully identify as a woman socially and/or mentally. Although a big part of me identifies with womanhood, there is also a major part of me that cannot be confined to or defined by the gender binary. As a genderfluid person, my sense of gender is fluid and changing. I often feel like a woman, but I also feel agender a lot of the time. Sometimes, I even feel masculine and see myself in my mind’s eye as a boy. On top of all this, I am also femme, which means I identify with and embrace femininity, but that doesn’t make me cis. It just means I have a feminine gender presentation and expression. With that being said, being femme in an AFAB body gives me passing privilege. So, when people look at me, they often assume I’m cis unless I disclose my non-binary identity to them.
On top of all this, I am a middle. My typical age range is between 10 to 18, but sometimes, I feel as young as 7. However, I spend most of my time in the middle age range. Being the little girl in my DDlg dynamic empowers me to be open and vulnerable about the deepest and tenderest parts of myself. With the guidance and love of my Daddy, I’m able to thrive and be a happier, more fulfilled version of myself. Being in the middle babygirl mindset gives me a more open-minded, open-hearted, innocent approach to life that allows me to be genuine about how I express myself. That also translates into more acceptance and embracement of myself.
For example, I have natural body hair and I don’t shave. Many people would consider this “masculine” behavior, but body hair doesn’t really have a gender to me. To me, it reminds me of being in middle school, a time when I was so young and innocent, that I wasn’t even allowed to shave. My daddy accepts my body hair as an expression of my non-binary identity and beauty.
My non-binary partner is the Daddy in my relationship. My Daddy is intersex. Like many other intersex people, when he was young, he underwent surgery to make his genitals look more like a traditional AMAB (assigned male at birth) person. He is also non-binary and genderfluid like me, and he enjoys the role of Daddy Dom. I call him “Daddy” most of the time, including when he’s feeling feminine at times, and that’s alright with him. However, we also have a feminine “mama” title I use when my Dom is feeling more feminine. My Daddy likes to wear makeup and dress in feminine clothes. When he does this, he is often still in Daddy mode, but every now and then, I call him by the “mama” name. Even daddies can express feminine or gender neutral qualities, interests, or tendencies, no matter what their gender identity or sexual orientation is.
Like me, my Daddy is bisexual and polyamorous. We are both fine with each other dating whatever gender we want. We also respect each other’s gender identities and expressions no matter what. When non-binary people are involved in a DDlg dynamic, we might engage in gendered behavior one moment, while simultaneously expressing other masculine, feminine, or gender neutral qualities that don’t align with the gender binary. In other words, it’s still DDlg; it’s just non-binary DDlg.
My Daddy is not the only transgender and queer person to identify with the label of “Daddy.” I’ve heard of other queer and trans people, including non-binary people and lesbians, taking on the “Daddy” label, often because they find it affirming to their identity. The truth is that “Daddy Dom” is a role that a person of any gender can occupy, so long as they identify with it and embrace it. I’ve met other non-binary people like myself who embrace the role of “little girl,” but without the gendered expectations that many people hold regarding that role.
Non-binary Daddy Doms are valid. Non-binary littles and middles are also valid. There’s enough room for all different kinds of daddies, mommies, caregivers, littles, and middles in the DDlg community.
So, if you’re non-binary and into DDlg, you’re not crazy or hypocritical. You and your kinks are valid, and I appreciate you. I hope that sharing my experiences with my relationship and DDlg dynamic has been insightful or helpful to you.
Thank you for reading!
Author:
She/They is a bisexual, genderfluid femme who is also polyamorous.
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