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Writer's pictureJubilee Johns

Reading Room: Am I Good Enough For My Caergiver?


person sitting on a couch looking towards a window worried
Our insecurities can get the better of us

We've all been there I am sure. Am I good enough for them? Will they leave me? Am I acting too middle? Do they prefer other types and I am not really it? These questions roll around in our heads. We all have insecurities about many aspects of our lives. We are not perfectly molded individuals as human, but we are especially plagued as middles with a certain set of added worries.


I have separated middles in this because though we are the "teens" of the "ageplay" group in BDSM, we are not without our own insecurities...also, this is a magazine for middles! As a middle, we are a bit more independent than our counterparts. This could leave people to believe that we are these support secure and "have it together" folks.


NO! We are NOT!


Well for the most part we are, but we are not this put together package just because we don't need a tuck in at not (maybe you do), or we don't want to have our CG (Caregiver) cook our dinner tonight and it is mac n cheese with bacon bits, or that we don't want out birthday gift to be our favorite playing cards, stuffie, or video game. It doesn't meant that thunder doesn't frighten us. As a middle in BDSM, we need comfort as well. We are vulnerable in our own ways. We are caught in the...middle...of not being a little or Adult Baby/Diaper Lover and being a big (adult).


Think back to when you were a teen. You were on your way to this new thing called adulthood, but you were still one foot in the door to the things that made you happiest when you were a younger child. With that time also came a time of change which brought on many thoughts about yourself. Who am I? How do I fit? Do these clothes look right? Will I be able to make it out there? If you didn't have it, wouldn't it have been nice to have someone there to guide you through it? Let you know that things WILL be okay? That you are not a complete mess, you are just learning how to work this crazy life?


With all of this being said, due to our relating to the teen range, this will also bring up the part about sexual attraction and relationships. We want to be good for our CGs. We want them to want us and need us. We want to not bring them grief and trouble (maybe playfully, yes). We want to be who they want to go to bed with and the sexiest things on earth to them. So what's the problem? Well we have all of these other insecurities that pop up. We are even have insecurities about our insecurity! Will they think I am too needy? Will they think I am too baby? Do they think I am not sub enough?


To this I will say:

  • If they wanted someone else, they would not be with you.

  • If you did not have qualities they are interested in, they would not have taken you on as a sub.

  • If you were too "baby" for them, they would tell you.

  • When you think, oh maybe they don't like my body type because they were looking over there...Well do you only like ONE type of ice cream? Puppy? Person? Movie? --- just because they see someone they like, doesn't mean they are going home with them, are leaving you, or are going to take on another sub.


Be yourself because that is who they want you to be. If you vetted each other beforehand, then they already know some important things about you and your needs. They are there for the person you ARE and if you feel there are things you would like to change about yourself (maybe you need to work on better self care and need help) , TALK TO YOUR CG! Communication is the BEST tool we have in our dynamics. Without them we are working on assumptions and THAT is NEVER a good option or plan.


Remember, middles are the teens of the "ageplay" group. We come with some off the added insecurities that goes with that. Keep in mind that you are with your CG for who they are, therefore it stands to reason they are with YOU for the same reason. If you feel as though you are spiraling into the hole of "Am I.....?", talk to you CG about it. They are here to comfort you and help you through these types of situations and feelings. Communicate and let them be exactly who THEY are, your Caregiver.


If you have a question or concern about being a middle and you want to talk it out before asking your CG, you can always ASK MOC by sending an email to middlesonlineclubhouse@gmail.com



 

Jubilee Johns (She/Her/Hers)

Creator of Middles Online Clubhouse


Jubilee has been writing her own creative works for more than 30 years. She has been in the BDMS lifestyle since 2017 and has loved every moment of it with her Daddy Dome Naughty Daddie

Twitter: @JubileeJohns

Facebook: Jub Johns

Instagram: @Jubilee_Johns

FetLife: naughtys-kitten

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